Pleasant/Unpleasant Description of the Place:

Instructions:-

1. Pleasant/Unpleasant Description of the Place: Choose a place you can observe for an extended period of time (at least 20-30 minutes). Use all of your senses (sight, hearing, touch, smell, even taste if possible) to experience the place, and record all of the sensations that you experience. As you record your data, you may wish to note which details naturally seem more positive, negative, or neutral, in terms of tone. (For instance, a stinky and overflowing trash barrel swarming with flies in a nearby alley might seem more inherently negative than a little white bunny rabbit hopping playfully across the lawn.) Then, you will use this information to help your write descriptions of the place: one positive, one negative. Both descriptions should be factually true (same real time and real place), but you will want one description to be positive in terms of tone and the other to be negative. In addition to including the information and sensory details you’ve collected as the basis for these descriptions, you will also use the Writer’s Toolbox to create your two contrasting impressions for this assignment. (The Writer’s Toolbox is explained in the Lecture Notes section of this unit.) As you revise and refine your descriptions, please be sure you are “showing” your readers your place (really putting the readers “there” in the moment and in this scene), rather than simply “telling” them about it. You will also want to try to eliminate unnecessary linking verbs as much as you can, incorporating verbs that show “action” whenever possible.

2. Rhetorical Analysis: Looking back at your descriptions, analyze how you created these two very different impressions of the place (one positive, one negative) without changing any of the facts. How did you make your place seem so positive in one paragraph and yet so negative in the other paragraph, without changing the facts? Discuss how you incorporated each of the tools from the Writer’s Toolbox, and cite examples of this from each of your descriptions. (This analysis should be at least 400-500 words in length.)

3. Reflection: In one to two paragraphs, consider at least one of the following questions: What have you learned about writing through this assignment? How might you apply this knowledge? Has this process of using the Writer’s Toolbox affected your vision of various information media–for instance, television and print news sources, magazines, etc.? If so, how so?

More details;

The first portion of this assignment is a three step process:

1.) Find your place. This should be one single setting at one particular time. Do not use multiple places. For instance, if you want to write about your house, do not describe your entire house. Choose one particular room, or one particular view. Also, do not use different times. If it’s morning in your positive paragraph, it can’t be evening in your negative paragraph. If it’s completely sunny in your positive paragraph, it can’t be raining in your negative paragraph.

2.) Make a sensory chart of your place, recording all of the sights, smells, sounds, sensations, and even tastes (if applicable). Use your five senses to collect data, and be as specific as possible.

3.) Use the data you have recorded to craft your two descriptions, incorporating the Writer’s Toolbox to shape each of your paragraphs and thus the impression of the place. Remember that in the first paragraph your place should seem positive, while in the second paragraph, your place should seem negative.

The second portion of this assignment is a two step process.

1.) Review your two paragraphs noting each of the places you used any of the tools in the Writer’s Toolbox. Try to find at least two examples of each of the tools from the Writer’s Toolbox employed in each descriptions (except for tell sentences and direct statements of meaning, which you should have limited to only one per paragraph). If you can’t find two examples of the other features in each of your descriptions, you’ll probably want to revise your initial description, adding more of those features.

2.) Write your rhetorical analysis, devoting at least one paragraph to each of the tools in the Writer’s Toolbox. You will probably want to begin each paragraph of the rhetorical analysis with a general claim. “I used a great deal of word choice in each of my two descriptions.” Then you’ll want to follow that claim with examples. “For instance, in my positive paragraph, I described the sun as “gleaming,” which implies that the light was pleasantly bright. However, in my negative paragraph, I described the sun as “glaring,” implying that the light was too bright, and in fact painful to look at.”

The last portion of this assignment is simple. Reflect on what you’ve done. Why does any of this matter? How do these tools relate to other writing you’ve done, other writing you’ve read, etc.? How does (or how will) any of this apply to you?

Example of the assignment

Nature’s Call at Pillsbury Crossing”

Nature’s beauty surrounds me. On a calm, mostly sunny day, the bristles the leaves as if they were applauding the breath of the land. Green, yellow, and brown hues sparkle in the warm sunlight, offering a mosaic reflection on the water. A short waterfall branches like a limb from the pond, whisking the water down into a misty creek. The clear water rushes through the mossy rocks and falls, creating a soothing melody.

Different bugs whistle and chant around me, voicing their opinions and contributing to the symphony of nature. The tall sunflowers rise by the water, trying best to place their roots so they are not washed away when nature’s cool drink falls again. Two young people sit in inflatable chairs, drifting above the crystal clear water. Their shoes are off, and they dip their toes in the pond’s relieving temperature. They bathe in the sun like flowers in the springtime, soaking all of the sun’s warm, crisp rays. Short blasts of relieving wind soothe the skin and the backs of their necks. They sit and enjoy the day as the sun passes through the clouds, absorbing all the comforting rays before the sun is whisked away.

“Grim Times at Pillsbury Crossing”

Death has had her way here. On a partly cloudy day at the end of the tropical summer, the withering leaves fall from a dried tree that has been suffocated by days of countless painful sun rays. The gust swishes again and brings more brown leaves to their final resting place on the cracked ground. A waterfall sits not far from the leaf cemetery, filled with rotting garbage decaying to the roots of the hungry plants. As bugs swarm, a bright flash of lightning sparks the distant sky, serving as a warning for nature to take cover. Thunder bangs through the clouds like a cannon, echoing off the hills of the horizon. The old, moldy stench stealthily slithers in before the rain droplets hit the floodplain. All of nature will get their drink, but most will drown in the water to cover the fractured land.

Rhetorical Analysis

I chose Pillsbury Crossing for my descriptions in this paper. I enjoyed writing about Pillsbury Crossing because it seemed to offer many positive and negatives, and I had never been there before. This allowed me to record my own first impressions, both pleasant and unpleasant. The floodplain is very peaceful, yet it is scarred by humankind’s misuse of the nature park.

I wrote my first sentence as an overt statement which explained the mood of the rest of the paragraph. For my pleasant impression, I stated “Nature’s beauty surrounds me,” emphasizing the beauty on can find in a place such as this. In contrast, for my negative impression, I wrote “Death has had her way here.” The notion of death immediately makes the tone grim and unpleasant, even though death is also a fundamental aspect of the natural world.

With my tone clearly established, I next had to consider my word choice very carefully. In order to show the reader what I experienced, I had to choose words that fit the mood of the description as set by my overt statements of meaning. In my pleasant description, I discuss the sun’s rays and how they are “crisp” and “relieving.” These words make the sun’s rays seem pleasant and positive; however, in the negative description, the sun’s rays were “hazardous.” This description emphasizes the fact that the sun’s rays can be harmful and dangerous. I also describe the leaves in both paragraphs. While the leaves were colorful, reflecting “green, yellow, and brown hues” in my positive description, they were “withering” and falling to the ground to create a leaf “cemetery” in my negative description. This helps maintain the mood of each of my respective paragraphs.

I also left out details from certain paragraphs to keep the mood and tone consistent. In my pleasant description, I omitted the observation of garbage “decaying to the roots of hungry plants.” I did not include the garbage in my pleasant paragraph because it did not fit into my description of the gorgeous scenery. If I had included the garbage and trash in the positive paragraph, the reader would picture a nice place filled with a bunch of filthy waste. This is not what I wanted. In the unpleasant impression, I left out how the bugs whistled and chanted. By simple describing them as “swarming” and omitting the beauty of their sounds, the bugs seem to be only an annoyance in the negative paragraph.

Similes and metaphors were helpful as well, allowing me to create an impression that nature was either alive and comforting or dead and disturbing. In the pleasant description, I wanted the impression to be welcoming and lively, so I wrote “the wind bristles the leaves as if they were applauding the breath of the land.” I wanted to make Mother Nature have a personality. By using similes like “symphony of nature,” it gives Mother Nature a graceful, caring attitude, which makes the description seem more pleasant. In the negative paragraph, I compare thunder to a cannon, “echoing off the hills of the horizon.” This portrays thunder as a menacing force, roaring through the landscape, making Mother Nature seem mean, stingy, and threatening.

Throughout my descriptions, I also paid attention to sentence structure. I start each paragraph with a short, tell sentence, to make sure the reader knows exactly what impression I have of this place. “Nature’s beauty surrounds me” contrasts sharply with “Death has had her way here.” In the rest of the paragraph, I used longer sentences, which allowed me to truly show the reader my place. For instance, in the sentence “Different bugs whistle and chant around me, voicing their opinions and contributing to the symphony of nature,” I state the object being described, describe it, and try to elaborate as much as possible.

While writing this assignment, I noticed that while we observe things everyday, choosing the right words to describe and observation is difficult and important. While walking in the park the other day, I noticed how the wind picked up, and I tried to think about how I would describe it. I realized that my descriptions would differ, depending on whether I was in a pleasant or unpleasant mood. I also noticed how choice of words can influence a reader’s perceptions. For example, I’ve recently read several articles on the home-run race. One author reported that Sammy Sosa was beating Mark McGwire, but another focused on Mark McGwire, writing that he was ahead of last year’s pace, so he wasn’t technically “losing” the home-run race. Presentation of facts and phrasing of observations can be vital to crafting a good story that grabs the reader’s attention; it can also sway the reader’s opinions in many ways

 

Solution

Pleasant/Unpleasant Description of the Place:

Pleasant and Unpleasant Description of a Place

Pleasant description

         Through the other side of my living room window, I could see the Lincolnshire, IL suburb that is an unfolding ravishing scene. It is a view admiration and a much closer look because of its beauty. I step out to my backyard, and I smell the freshness in the air. It is that time of the year again that I love the most. My garden flowers and trees have fully awoken after hibernating for the long cold winter season, and they are back to life. It is now past the dead of the winter and the spring period is half-conscious. It is the busy and bright season that many people wait. I stand there still raising my hands in the air to allow my body senses take over and let them receive the signals in the atmosphere indicating the arrival of the summer holidays.

         The green scenery on the grass adorned with the purple flowers from the jacaranda tree is truly an incredible sight to behold. The flowers and trees, as well as the tiny insects living in them, bathe in the golden sunlight, except for the grass and other plants beneath the trees that still have the shadows cast on them. They show slight glittering of the morning dew. From where I am standing I see my shadow behind me stretching tall to the wall of my house. The sunlight shines upon my face and arms, and it feels good enjoying the free vitamin D.

         Before me is a short emerald carpet with freshly cut blade scattering in all directions. The sun above is bearable bright. The sky has cartoon shaped clouds, and it is as vast as the ocean. The shiny singing flowers are present everywhere as they dance to the wind. Some have a dinner plate size with open petals facing upwards. They too enjoy absorbing the beneficial rays of the sun. There are also the smalls sized flowers with wrinkled stems and limp petals. My backyard fits a scene from outdoor HD documentaries.

Unpleasant environment

         I am standing on another side of my living room window; I could see the Lincolnshire, IL suburb that is a mess with pollution. I could smell bad strong and choking smoke that is harmful fumes from the power plant and factories coming to the backyard window of my house. The place’s air fills with smog, and people everywhere are walking masking their noses and mouth. Air pollution is everywhere with rotten and smelly fumes from all directions. The pollution is also from cars that position the atmosphere.

         The smog clouds have become part of the daily life on this street. It gradually grows daily and locks out the sun rays. The days will soon be as dark as pitch. Many people here suffer from breathing problems and other long-term dangers of living in an environment with unchecked industrial development. There are no forests nearby instead; the place witnesses acid rain as a result of overuse of non-renewable fossils and fuels. The recreation of forests and lakes is the cause of acid rain in the area. The capacity of the earth to replenish is limited and, therefore, oxygen supply is low. The deadness of this city is everywhere.

Rhetorical analysis

         In describing a healthy environment, I choose the backyard because the good garden has something good to talk about while for the unpleasant part, I choose a place that is in a busy city with pollution. The backyard is a desirable place that one can enjoy being. In this description, I chose to begin the description with the use of an overt statement to explain my mood in the whole paragraph. I stated, “It is a deserving view admiration and a much closer look because of its beauty”. Here I stress on the word beauty. There are colorful flowers and trees. In my description, I was careful in maintaining a consistent mood and tone. For the negative description of the same street, I have started with the sentence,” I could smell bad strong and choking smoke which is harmful fumes from the power plant and factories”. The notion of bad smells sets the tone unpleasant and grim.

         I proceeded to the choosing the right words after setting the tone. I choose words like smog, smelly and rotten to provide a negative description. These words helped to show my readers the experience I went through. Including good terms in the unpleasant environment would have confused the readers in understanding if it is a bad place. I also had to talk about the respiratory diseases that people in this unpleasant environment are prone. The fogginess and dimness in the environment are because of lack of sunlight and smog.

         Some examples include large cities like China, Denver and Los Angeles that suffer from the dangers of industrial development that have gone unchecked. A bad picture portrays through the use of negative words such as smelly, rotten dim and so on. For the good environment, I also choose words to fit the description mood and to give my overt statement meaning. The pleasant description had words like beauty, amazing, glittering, golden and beautiful scenery. These words help the reader to have a picture of a nice place.

         I have also used metaphors and similes to enable me create an impression of nature that is comforting, alive and peaceful and also the nature that is disturbing and dead. For the pleasant description, I have made the place lively by saying, “The flowers and trees, as well as the tiny insects living in them, bathe in the golden sunlight”. There are also, shiny singing flowers everywhere as they dance in the wind. For the unpleasant description I have used the simile,” days will be as dark as pitch” and “the deadness of the city is everywhere.”

Reflection

         The golden sunlight also contributes to a positive description. The experience is different in the second description. The place has smog and bad air that makes it difficult for the residents to breath. In conclusion, talking about a place is determined by the choice of words so that a pace can be a pleasant one or a non-pleasant one. I have never been in a bad place but putting all the ideas to describe a bad place was out o f my imagination. Describing the unpleasant place was, therefore, difficult because I have not seen it. The main challenge was generating the best words for this place. Describing a good or bad place does not necessarily need a writer to visits the place. It is all about words.